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24 September 2011

Shaking in my space boots....

I did my rural placement in Millmerran for 6 weeks, and it was fantastic. I really can't tell stories, for privacy's sake, but let's just say Alcohol and most things don't mix well, and usually end up with me practicing my suturing technique. But I had a most excellent preceptor, and met some fantastic people. All in all the best rotation of the year so far. And they race sheep. How can you not love that?

I am about to start surgery rotation on Monday. I am PETRIFIED.

  Firstly, My anatomy foundation is pretty shaky. Yes, I can tell my ischium from my olecranon. But some of the teenier intricacies got...glossed over in the UQ curriculum. Surgeons love to pick on us for that. And secondly, surgeons love to pick on us. Most of us already seriously question our competence and knowledge on most days. Having someone confirm that from the outside just makes us even more self-doubting. Thus, I am not sure I am ready to dance with the size of egos that comes with being a surgeon. If I admit already that I'll never be as awesome as they are, can I skip this part? I don't want to be a surgeon anyways, they have insane lives, and as a female surgeon, you always have to be better than the boys, put in longer hours and be that much more committed to the profession. But I actually LIKE my husband, and want some sort of life besides just work. So, apparently, not "cut out" to be a surgeon (OH, SO PUNNY). I just have to keep breathing, and tell myself it's only 8 more weeks...only 8 more weeks...None of it is personal.

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